When I was pregnant, I recall fairly early on the worry of getting it right. The name that is.

I have a very traditional old-fashioned name and when I was 9 I was not such a fan, but as I got older, I grew to love it. That said, I played sports as a kid and my name was too long and cumbersome on a field, so I started going by a shortened version of it. But at school, or the doctors, or with my grandparents, I was always my full name.

So when I decided to name my babies, A LOT of time went into thinking about what to call them. I made sure that their names could not be shortened into something nasty, or that their initials did not spell out something ridiculous. Basically, I was prudent and respectful of what I felt would be their handle for the rest of their lives.

Little did I think about them changing their names entirely.

Now, in fairness, they both have decided to switch genders, male to female and female to male, and maybe their given names were not ideal for the opposite sex, but what they chose was completely different from what they were given at birth. The initials are different and the names are way longer.

I guess I feel as though why did I bother to spend so much time and brainpower, trying to give them nice, traditional names that had interesting meanings and in one case, a family connection.

I definitely felt some sadness around losing one of the few things that I was able to choose for them. Neither of them liked it nor tried to integrate it into their “new” name. At. All.

But this is me feeling crummy…and I will get over it. They seem to be happy with their choices and one has already made a legal change!

I was never a procrastinator, so why should they?

So in getting back to what is in a name, I ask myself this, does it really matter what we are called?

Now some would argue yes, as some names have meanings that are often deep and significant to a family. And with the name comes a certain amount of responsibility and trust to not tarnish or misuse their name in a way that reflects badly on the family.

But if a person decides to change their name when they reach adulthood, is it such a big deal to push away from their inherited handle?

As a question to any new parents, when you look at your new baby for the first time, and you think, YES, this is a perfect name to describe their beautiful face or personality, does it ever enter your mind that they may change it when they get older?

I know I never thought it would happen.

But it did and I am still messing it up. I still refer to my kids by their “dead” names as I truly don’t want to let it go. The “dead” name is a whole thing in the trans world and I do somewhat understand…but maybe I don’t fully.

For those that don’t know, “dead-naming” is defined by Wikipedia as: “the act of referring to a transgender or non-binary person by a name they used prior to transitioning, such as their birth name. Deadnaming may be unintentional, or a deliberate attempt to deny, mock or invalidate a person’s gender identity.” I know, sounds terrible right?

I liked their old names. Time was spent thinking about them and how they sounded, and if there would be several kids in the class with the same name. I hoped not.

I wanted them to be original, and I guess they are. They have chosen to change most things in their life and their name is part of it and I guess, and ultimately I have to be okay with it.

Actually, I know I have to be okay with it. But I do miss their old nicknames.

I miss a few things about their old personas, but in the end, I love them and they are not gone, just different and I am slowly accepting this.

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.” – William Shakespeare