So, we booked the room. My hotel room that is. The date is set, and things are rolling forward.

My 23-year-old youngest is transitioning from a female to a male (hence this operation) and has scheduled top surgery. I will be honest; I am scared shitless for what is ahead.

I agreed to be the nurse after the “boobs be gone” surgery, but I am a gagger and not so great with blood or smells… especially if they are foul.

This is my latest hurdle to think about. Frankly, the last 4-years have been one big hurdle…or maybe a mountain is more apropos.

If you had told me even three years ago that this would be my life with both my young adult children transitioning (yes, you read that right), I would have said, “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”

Initially, I struggled with the idea of both kids being gay or bi or just unsure. And not because I am against it, or staunchly religious or worried about the optics. I think for me I truly loved being female, having boyfriends, and being okay with the body I was given. I also guess I worried about their well-being and making such a major decision so early on in life. To me, 23 & 25 are so young!

In looking around I saw that in some places, it seemed to be a fad…At least that is what it appeared to be.  Suddenly, you have kids announcing everywhere that they are gay, bi, pan… (the list goes on) sexual.  Being heterosexual is so out. 

A whole glossary of new sexuality terms sprouted up online.  I don’t recall that ever being the case when I was a teen or young adult.  Mind you, I am old now…the 1980s have called, and they want their Ice Mist hairspray and mix tapes back.  GULP! 

That is a whole other conversation about feeling ancient.

When I started talking with other parents and friends, they all had stories of so-in-so’s kid who came out and it was no big deal, and really is it?  I guess it isn’t until something happens…rejection, teasing, or worse attacked physically.

This is a downright terrifying thought to a parent.

This is not a tattoo that you can remove in 10 years when it no longer serves your statement of what you love or find attractive. This is a permanent alteration of your body.

All this said, the other thought that lept to the front of my mind is whether this will affect their ability to find gainful employment or be promoted. I realize that employers cannot outright say that you are different and therefore not be considered, but in private I am sure the thought can run through their minds. Not everyone is open-minded or non-judgemental.

The stories of people living in certain parts of the world that must hide their sexuality and who they love are frightening.  This big blue marble becomes quite small when you must skirt certain parts of the globe because you don’t fit in, or worse, can be arrested!

I guess my point is, I am antiquated and have opinions that are slowly becoming obsolete, and I am glad for that. 

Truly, I am ecstatic as the world I lived in as a young person was sad and confined.  When I found out years later what some people were forced to act like or participate in, so that they fit in, made me feel awful.  

I think my notion is, I certainly hope my two are sure they are making the right choices.

Hell, they probably are. I just may be the one who must learn to choose to let go and trust in the greater good.

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.” – John Lennon